Sample E-mail Question
Dear Dr. Armstrong:
My husband and I have been married for three years. It is my second marriage and his first. I'm 31 and my husband is 24. I have a 10 year old daughter from our first marriage that lives with us full-time. She is the reason I am writing. Lately Randy (my husband) seems to be spending a lot to time with her. They run to the store together and sometimes he comes home from work to eat lunch with her (we just live 1 block form school and she comes home for lunch alone). Randy seems to tickle and rough house with her a great deal. I'm concerned.
Melanie (by daughter) was molested when she was 6 by my first husband. I swore it would never happen again, but I am worried. Am I paranoid? She seems resistant to my discipline and when Randy stands up for her I feel like an outsider even though I have raised her all her life. Am I being silly? Am I crazy? Or should I be worried?
Please answer right away. I am concerned that my husband wants to take her camping (I have to work that weekend). Am I being paranoid to worry. I was molested as a child and I don't want anything like that to happen to her again.
Ms.Kathy.C.,
Dr. Armstrong's Answer:
-
Dear Ms. C,
- Use the Order Form to notify us that you intend to use our service.
- Use your E-Mail program to write and send your letter to us.
- A licensed therapist will E-Mail a resonse to you and we will bill your credit card $25.00.
- Realtime Chat
- Realtime Voice Chat
- Realtime Group Chat
You are not silly, crazy or paranoid. The behavior you describe by your husband is cause for alarm. While no single thing is way out of line the combination sends up red flags for me. He is spending a great deal of time with your daughter and that is causing a wedge to be driven between you and Melania. It is behavior that I have seen in many adult sex offenders. Here are the warning signs I see:
1. Spending time with your daughter alone at home.
2. Wanting t take out camping and sleep in the same area overnight with out you around.
3. Your husband taking her side in arguments there by driving a wedge between the two of you.
4. Your husband is younger and never married before.
5. Your daughter is suffering in her school work.
6. Roughhousing and tickling between a male and an adolescent female.
7. Your daughter's previous victimization.
None of these things alone seems a problem, but put together they could mean he is grooming (setting her up for molest) or molesting her. If she has been molested before she may feel you cannot protect her and she may be hesitant to tell you the truth even if you ask her. Also offender's sometimes threaten to hurt the victim or even kill the mother if they tell.
My advise would be to take Melinae to a professional therapist in your area that is trained to work with sexually abused children. You might try asking your minister, priest or rabbi; or the guidance counselor of your daughter's school. If molest is not occurring you can stop it before it starts by putting yourself between your child and your husband and make all family events include you. It may be counseling for your daughter's previous molest would be helpful. If molest is occurring you will do everyone a favor by reporting it - even your husband. If he is molesting children he needs to get treatment so that there are no additional victims.
Do not delay and do not allow the camping trip until you can go. Good Luck to you.
Dr. Armstrong
